'Tis healthy to be sick sometimes - Henry David Thoreau

I've been a poorly Frog.
The toothache steadily rose to a crescendo like I've never known (and I've given Birth 3 times).
I couldn't eat, sleep or think straight.
At night I could only pace around downstairs hoping to wear myself out so much that I might eventually sleep.
I begged my dentist to do something.
Dentist: ' Why didn't you come to me sooner?'
Frog: 'I did...you x-rayed my teeth and said there was nothing wrong'.
Dentist ' Oh, hmm, well let's have another look shall we?'

He put me on anti-biotics, then more anti-biotics, and said he couldn't pull the tooth out because it was such a deep rooted infection ('you really should have come in sooner').
We had a holiday booked the following week to take the children to Florida, Darling Husband has been very unwell for months and he's made a very recent recovery and we were all so looking forward to getting away; it now looked as though I would wreck all the plans because I wasn't fit to drive let alone travel long haul.

The dentist had another peep to see if he could do an extraction...still too infected.
He gave me yet another prescription for anti-biotics, I was wishing for a miracle..or to be run over on the way out, I just couldn't take any more.
The dentists wife saw me on the way out and said I could pay a private clinic an extortionate amount and have a general anaesthetic to have my tooth out the next day, would I like her to enquire how many houses I would have to sell to pay for it?
Well, I think I would have paid anything.
On Tuesday I went to the private clinic and handed over the gross national product.
The surgeon dentist told me I looked as though I was walking to the guillotine.
I replied through clenched teeth..just-take-the-tooth-out.

I woke up 15 minutes later looking very unglamorous with bad hair (so my affectionate sister tells me), a plaster on the back of my hand from the IV and blood drooling down my chops.

I had no pain.
I can't tell you how much better I felt.
I came home and slept for the first time in at least two weeks.

The next day (Wednesday)I ate sweet potatoes and savoured every mouthful...the pain was gone, I was sore from the surgery, but I could think straight, it was wonderful.

On Thursday I had a check up with the dentist and he declared me fit to travel the following Monday. I had my miracle, the children started to pack. The milkman arrived and stayed an hour or so for a chat.


I woke during Thursday night feeling strange, I had a pain in my stomach and thought I must have one of those 24 hour stomach bugs coming. I walked into the bathroom and prepared to vomit (in a delicate and ladylike fashion). All of a sudden I realised everything was the wrong way up...why was the loo sideways and why was I looking at the bottom of the bathtub? I called Darling Husband from his slumber and we deduced I'd passed out.
Pain suddenly gripped me and Darling Husband has since said he thought I was 'a gonner'. I did come round long enough to say 'get me to a hospital'.
999 was dialled and quickly rejected because they said it'd be a while, so Daughter no1 and Darling Husband carried me to the car and I continued to slip in and out of consciousness all the way to hospital in Abergavenny.
I remember being dragged out the back seat and dumped into a wheelchair and hearing DH shout that I'd fall out if they didn't bother to hold on to me.

I was wheeled into a cubicle and asked to climb on the bed and change into a gown.
When I failed to respond the staff started getting really annoyed with me, but I couldn't move my mouth, hands or make any sounds, it was awful. We have since wondered if they thought I was drunk or on drugs, their unkindness was unbelievable.

Darling Husband wasn't allowed near me for quite some time and when they eventually let him in they demanded to know who on earth he was, poor DH was incredulous! Then he discovered I'd still had nothing for my pain...I can see why casualty staff get attacked sometimes, sorry, but the worry and anguish they caused was terrible.

I had to have a heart monitor attached, my temperature taken, answer questions and explain why I had a bruise and needle mark in the back of my hand, over and over again.
Well, after a drip and pain relief things calmed a little and the general consensus of opinion was that the anti-biotics I'd taken for toothache had eliminated all the good bacteria in my gut and bowel. My insides were literally in spasm and the pain was making me pass out.

The casualty staff started being very kind and gentle indeed once they realised I really was ill and not exaggerating.
I started to feel a little better and after blood test results I was allowed home, feeling like I'd been kicked by a carthorse.

On Saturday I was still in bed, very upset and unable to eat. I got my laptop and tried to find out what I should try to eat to recover and discovered lots of people have had the same problem!!
I discovered I needed acidopholus, lactobacillus and bifidobacterium to recover.

By Monday I could shuffle around and decided to try and travel to Gatwick and stay overnight before our flight, if I could cope with that I'd seriously consider getting on the plane...my children were upset and worried and I felt so responsible for ruining the holiday. Not only for them, but we were going with our best friends and their two children too.

We managed the journey, me with the smallest bag shuffling along behind the others.
I managed to eat a small amount of chicken, gravy and veg and felt a little stronger.
So, I braved the flight and we all set off....9 of us, like a school outing.
The 1st flight was fine, I slept, ate a little and felt even better.
While we were waiting for the next flight I had a fruit smoothie..lots of goodness, what a stupid mistake that was!
The next flight ended with Darling Husband telling me he was calling for a doctor and paramedics came onboard to help me off the plane (a hell of a way to queue-jump) and I was quickly wheeled to a quiet area and again had all my vital signs checked, more blood tests. This time they were kind, caring and just lovely. An ambulance crew arrived as well but after some time and consideration we decided I needed to go and rest up and be more careful what I drank and ate.
I felt rather stupid I must say.

We stayed at a friends house which was lovely, spacious and quiet. I stayed in bed a day or two while the others had a scout about.
I improved steadily and lived off water, porridge, chicken and salad.
We had a great holiday, sitting round the pool reading in lovely sunny weather, lots of laughter and the last night I risked a steak..not a good plan, I was ill again, but not so violently this time, no loss of consciousness this time.

And now we're home, and although I still feel like I've been kicked by a carthorse and can't carry anything, I feel much more relaxed for the holiday even though I scared everyone else half to death!
I intend to live on sweet potatoes and chicken and never take anti-biotics again (unless I'm really dying) and hope I am fully recovered soon. Oh....and always to nag my children to look after their teeth so they never have to go through agony like that!

Grumpy

I'm in quite a grumble this week (mutter), I've had raging toothache, can't sleep, can't eat...whinge moan.
I've been spending the small hours looking through my computer files and deleting anything no longer needed, my busiest time of year begins in two weeks and I feel the need for a clear out.
Amazon is a big outlet for me at Christmas and you may know how it works, you buy something and then leave feedback for the merchant. While clearing out I've looked through my feedback and while most customers are very nice I just wonder what on earth is wrong with people!
This is typical example:
It was hard to judge the size of the telescopes from the picture. A scale would have been helpful.
Look here

Another one:
There not proper microphones
that's right, they are not proper microphones, proper ones costs lots of money and these are pink plastic toy ones costing £1.50!

Here's one I responded to:
wasnt what i expected
Frog reply: So sorry you were not happy with the Tube of Body Glitter, but not sure quite what else you were expecting :D

And this one still puzzles me to this day:
Ok I contacted this seller as I made an incorrect order on one item, and when my order did arrive the part that was incorrect in the 1st place was ok, but the second part of the order which was originally fine was wrong. So I give up.

This is a great one regarding a pull along item:
Delivery was on time and the product was the one ordered. However, I am a bit disappointed with the product as it is not very pratical to carry.

And I think I must have been having a bad day when I read this one, it's not my finest hour in customer courtesy but I did try everything I could and surely they can at least try and get their own address right:
was not delivered - never recieved
Frog reply: We contacted you on 22/12/08 to say the item was returned, Addressee unknown.
You asked for the address we had, we explained that we cut and paste address information to avoid mistakes and asked if you would like a refund or another item, you have not responded since.
You have spelled received wrong too.

You know, the best one I've heard is about an Ebay seller who includes postal charges in the item cost and still got 1 out of 5 for P&P!

*All smelling mistakes are the complainers ...it's all cut and pasted!

Cousin Conversation

Gorgeous Nephew: Hey cousin no 1

Swot daughter: Hey cousin no 3

Gorgeous Nephew: Washing the tractor?

Swot daughter: Yep

Gorgeous Nephew: Tractors are cool aren't they?

Swot daughter: Yep

Gorgeous Nephew: Have you got my shirt on?

Swot daughter: Yep

Gorgeous Nephew: Can I have it back?

Swot daughter: No

Gorgeous Nephew: Oh, OK.

Nephew = 23 years old
Daughter = 14 years old
Both daft as brushes!
(by the way, the photo is of my nephew and my youngest daughter not the swot...he is tall but not a giant)

Just feeling so betrayed

I'm passionate about my children being safe and happy.
We've come too close in the past to stop fighting for our children now and this latest event has really blown my sense of humour away.
I read my daughter's books, we both love reading.
I rummaged in her room for the latest book and started reading it.
Yep I was horrified, devastated and felt sick.
This is a book sent home from school by the Librarian, she wanted my daughter's opinion of the book and maybe they'll get the author in to talk to the students.
She wasn't going to be in trouble because she'd been asked to read it, why would she have any hesitation whatsoever?
Why would a parent have any hesitation if the school sent a book home, you wouldn't!
I feel my trust has been betrayed, but am so thankful my daughter hadn't read much at all, so didn't read what I did.
What was in it?
Well it was not particularly well written, but I pressed on, wanting to know what she was going to read, always good to know what a teenager reads, I think.
There was a description in there of sexual abuse, detailed, of a 14 year old boy by his carer.
It details non-consensual homosexual activity with a minor.
Is it me or it it wrong?

This book should not be in a school Libary.
Our children don't need to read this.
Needless to say I have spoken to school.
Tell me, would you be happy for your teenager to read one of these books?

Talk like a Pirate Day

Today is talk like a pirate day, I feel like a pirate...one that has scurvy and has been keel-hauled.
This week the youngest scrumplet was 6...^!!!!
Where does the time go?
On Tuesday she had some school friends home for tea and a bounce on the bouncy castle. It was lovely and they were all very good. We got the teenager boy from along the road to come over and read them all Charlie and Lola and The Tiger Who Came to Tea, they loved it. He tried to pretend he hated doing it but he kept smiling at them all and ended up with most of them snuggled up next to him while he read.
Then last night we had 'the family' tea party.
29 including three gatecrashers (very nice ones).
I cooked a huge pot of chilli, a large saucepan of curry, tons of baked potatoes and rice and made up copious amounts of Pimms, it was all very fab!
There's a bit of bread & cheese left and lots of empties and crumbs, but that's about it.
We played pass-the-parcel...always a favourite.
My sister repeatedly complained about the crunchiness of the baked potatoes, I complained about the children using clean glasses every time they had another drink; ten children, around five drinks each, that's a lot of glasses to wash. My brother in law complained when he fell head first, upside down from darling husbands' inverter/back stretcher thingy. Quite a thumping noise he made too! We all rushed to laugh at him and then continued with the revelry. Later on another brother in law snuck into our sitting room and had a go on the back inverter. He too, went completely upside down and then crashed to the floor loudly head first. Not to be outdone, my eldest sister in law (who is a nurse and really should know better)had a go, Thankfully without mishap.
I got the cake ready with candles, 6 on one side and a pile on the other (it was a joint party between my youngest and yet another sister in law).
I was flagging, exhausted from a long day watching our lady that does clean the house, but even that's no excuse for putting one of the candles in upside down with the plastic holder sticking up. It was noticed by all except me and put right before the match got too close, and so a major catastrophe was avoided.
Pudding followed, chocolate slices, lemon sauce pudding and jelly bunnies.
Hmm, the jelly bunnies made by the teenager were a little sloppy...the bunnies did in fact looked more like roadkill than cute bunnies, but the little people didn't seem to mind (Thankfully).

And so today I'm particularly tired, a slightly jaded little frog in fact.
Saddened because my truly lovely friend has just reversed her car into my executive office facility (sob!) but delighted and proud because darling daughter has won another competition netting £400 for her Primary School, how fab is that? How handy having a sausage expert when I have a number of rare breed piggies just looking the right size for eating! (Apologies if you're vegetarian)
If we ever manage to catch the damn things, that is....you've not had free range meat until you've had it from us folks...my lawn has been snuffled for truffles, my office has snout prints on it, one of them even pulled a pink dressing gown off the washing line onto it's back the other day and then led down and went to sleep still 'wearing' it!

New Premises

Oh how I could ribbit loudly!!
I am sitting here in my new office and it's just divine!
There's not a cat/dog/wellington boot/chainsaw to be seen, and I shall hide the key so it stays this way.

I have purchased executive furniture and built it all myself (swagger), it's lovely.
But it's been difficult getting permission for such spaces, the bureaucracy involved to get it passed by Darling Husband has been quite a challenge.

Darling Husband: What exactly is the point of you moving out of the house into an office? I mean what can you do out there that you can't do in here?

Frog: I would like my own space

Darling Husband: You've got loads of space

Frog: I have to share it with everyone!...I can't even wee on my own!

Darling Husband: Give me one good reason why you need a proper office

Frog: You know last night when that posh lady from London phoned to enquire about party bags and I was talking to here from in here?

Darling Husband: Yes (teeth beginning to gnash at the thought of a spending spree)

Frog: You recall you have a bit of 'cat trouble' while I was on the phone?

Darling Husband: grunt (frowning) the 'kin cat was in the kitchen and it should be outside!

Frog: Well, while I was talking to her you yelled audible expletives at the feline and slammed the door in a somewhat aggressive manner.

Darling Husband: Well

Frog: Well she didn't phone back..

Darling Husband : Oh.

I wish I'd thought of it months ago, I could have got Potty Mummy to call me (she's very posh).

My wonderful daughter won First Prize at the village flower show with this vegetable person, and I can say with all honesty that her father's official position as Chairman had nothing to do with the result!

She's very creative and rather mad, I'm sure I don't know where she gets it from (innocent smile). She has the most incredible imagination and I'm sure she'll invent something completely amazing one day. My buckets, kept by the outside taps for watering my piglets, is often found containing a 'potion' that she and her friend Doodle have concocted. They spend hours outside with sticks and broken fence posts completely in their element and if I get a delivery while he's here they beg for the cardboard cases because it's just what they need to finish off their latest den.
Last week they tried to make a skateboard out of two long planks of wood. I think it finally failed on the aerodynamics assessment.

My youngest is following her sister in the mad stakes, last night she announced she would get her pyjamas on 'as quick as a bumble bee'!!

My eldest genius teenager was looking through the Thesaurus, perfecting her latest creative text when middle daughter said she thought big sister 'as descriptive as a pancake'! ...we're not sure if it was a compliment or not.

And it's got me wondering in general, surely it can't be my fault they are like this? But then everywhere I go people start laughing after a few minutes and it's not just because I may have my skirt tucked into my underwear. I have strange conversations with people usually ending with them choking with laughter..why is that?

Why do very large ladies always drive Smart Cars or old Fiat 500's?
Why do little men drive big cars like old Ford Cortina's?
Let's hope that Emma Chawner, who now lives in her car has something larger. She does looks like she's chawed through quite a few things!

Recent phone call:
Ms S: Hello I'm very posh!
Frog: Yes Hello I, also am very posh!
Ms S: I've had a pedicure, I didn't know what it was
Frog: Didn't you wonder what they were doing down there?
Ms S: choked laughing
Frog: That's very posh...I've had a spa treatment, that's posh
Ms S: Ooh I could do that now I've got 2 swimsuits that fit me. I used to have to wear one that was too small and one over the top that was too big and it looked a bit odd. Mind you, once I've got my black hat and goggles on it doesn't seem to matter....I'm a bit of a man-magnet when I go swimming!
Frog: choking, splutter crying laughing
Ms S: Yes, my husband has never minded me going swimming, but the children don't like my black hat.
Frog: I'm not going swimming with you if you're going to wear a black hat!
Ms S: I always wear a black hat
Frog : Oh (thinks OHMYGOD!!! surely she's joking)
Ms S: I do , I always wear it (sounding a tad hurt)
Frog: But you must look like a safety match!

Now I'm just wondering on a scale of 1 to 10 how much damage I've just done to my friendship?